Sunday, April 14, 2013

Living Content and Savoring the Moment...

On April 15th, I will officially be the mother of a 17 year old. How this happened is beyond me because honestly I was just 17 myself (or so I like to think). Knowing this special birthday was coming up was exciting (for Brian) but not so much for me. I have been sad...really sad. One more year of life as we know it with all of my children under one roof, eating dinner together, celebrating holidays and birthdays and of course the kids arguing together. When I think of how our house will be when Brian goes off to college I get a lump in my throat and my stomach does flips (not pretty graceful ones...the fall flat on your face, the wind knocked out of you,  how am I ever going to go get up and go on flips).  Brian is our quiet, laid back, conservative, take up for your mama kind of boy who brings so much to our sweet family and while I am excited to see what he has to offer this world and what kind of beautiful life he creates for himself another part of me wants to keep him all to ourselves...

While expressing my sadness to one of my dearest friends, Kelly, she shared with me some insight about mama's and their children on a blog she had read. I can't remember the blog but I will find out and link the address. Basically (or what I remember and what helped me over my sadness) it was about a mother with two older children going to play in the pool with her children who were running ahead of her when she sees a mother with a baby and a toddler. While she is chasing her kids to the pool she is wishing her children were that age again and little does she know that the mama with the baby and toddler is envious and can't wait until her children aren't hanging on her and she can play with them in the pool. 

It is human nature to miss what we have experienced with our children or to be excited for what the future holds for them and how much easier it may be for us but the real meaning behind her story was to be content no matter where you are with your children and to enjoy them.  Savor. Each. Moment. My sweet friend helped clear my pity and sadness that day more than she will ever know...she is awesome that way. There is still a little pang of sadness in my heart when I think about my children growing up but I don't think that ever goes away...but it can be overshadowed with all of the joyous moments of right now and soaking them up.

Tomorrow I will celebrate my first born, I will celebrate him turning 17 and I will be happy, I will be excited and deep down I will be a little sad. He was the first person who loved me unconditionally...who expected no less and no more. I am not a perfect mother and have made many mistakes along the way but every day my children do something that reminds me that while I am not perfect I (and Steven) must have done a whole lot right and we are blessed more than we could possibly deserve when it comes to our children. I thank God for

The night Brian was born it was rainy and I had been on bed rest for months...I should have known how impatient he was going to be in life when he tried to come early at 25 weeks. I looked around the room and was trying to remember everything. I remember the nurses joking, the anesthesiologist stroking my hair, I remember the rain hitting the window, the beeping machines,  I remember my doctor saying she was missing dinner and I could see lots of shiny instruments that would help deliver my baby safe into my arms. I remember looking up into the surgical light and watching my son be born through the reflection. I was ready for my new role, the role I had waited on my entire life. When Brian was delivered I had no idea if he was a boy or girl so to hear, "It's a boy" was .... indescribable, there are no words for that moment. He was beautiful, perfect, mine and I was in love. My heart would never, ever be the same....nothing about my life would. It was going to be amazing.

Thanks to Kelly, I am living in today...not tomorrow and most certainly not a year from now. I am enjoying the moments of having a 17 year old, 13 year old, 8 year old and 5 year old...I am enjoying every moment. Yes, even the not so great ones because they will also pass  quickly.  I will continue to love my children unconditionally and expect nothing back in return except respect, hugs and kisses...I am going to be content and savor each and every moment. I am going to continue to thank God for blessing both Steven and I with four children who have made life extraordinary.

I hope you all have a wonderful Sunday and are making lots of moments and memories, enjoy them all....I'm off to do the same.




  1. My sweet, dear friend. Here is your link. Your words were beautiful and so true. Hugs!!

  2. I love this Brandy! Too often we do live in either the future or past in regard to our family, at least I do - so thanks for the gentle reminder to enjoy, the NOW! And you are blessed to have a wonderful friend, too! :)

  3. Thank you Brook. We are all in this together and need the support of other mama's. I hope your sweet girl is doing great...I can't wait to meet her. xoxo